


Until I'm Home

by woakiees



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Hurts So Good, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22284418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woakiees/pseuds/woakiees
Summary: “But the fire igniting itself within you was suddenly extinguished. Your gaze fluttered back to Poe only to find a shadow of the man who had been standing there just seconds before.”
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	Until I'm Home

Heavy rain tapping against metal was the only sound in the otherwise silent room. You stood at the entrance to the hangar with your arms crossed firmly over your chest, watching the cold water fall from the sky and collect in puddles on the duracrete below. The dark clouds overhead felt only fitting. There was an almost unbelievable amount of tension in the air, charged by unmeant words and harsh glances instead of thunder and lightning. It had you on edge. The scene you found yourself in was a war of a different kind, one that you weren’t used to fighting in, and you were merely standing there, waiting for another attack.

But, it never came. There was only silence. Silence and water and wind whipping around your face so hard you had to focus on not losing your balance and stumbling backwards.

Because if you did fall back, he would be only a foot or two away to catch you, and your stoic facade would only break and he would win the war, and this battle was one that you were refusing to let him secure. You refused to give into him this time, refused to push your anger aside so easily.

But you still caved first, in a way. You couldn’t stand the ever growing silence anymore.

“You don’t trust me,” you muttered, twisting a strand of your own hair around your finger as you continued to watch the raging storm in front of you.

You heard movement behind you — the shuffle of a boot against the floor, a soft sigh falling from a pair of familiar lips. You still refused to turn and face him, knowing you would only cave further when you met those brown eyes that seemed to hold the entire galaxy within their irises. You heard him mumble your name, a gentle whisper against the pounding rain.

His tone was laced with anger and regret, and maybe even a hint of worry. You could picture him running a hand through his unruly raven hair, a nervous habit he had never been able to break. It was an action you would usually find rather endearing, but not then. Not when you were still waiting for the fight to rage on fullforce, and certainly not when you had such an overwhelming amount of displeasure coursing through your veins.

“Admit it, Poe. The only reason you won’t let me come with you is because you don’t trust—”

“No,” he interrupted you, taking your wrist in his hand and spinning you around until your chest collided with his, forcing you to finally look at him. “You know that’s a lie. You know I trust you more than anyone.”

Poe’s eyes were darker than their normal shade, something that wasn’t an entirely uncommon occurrence, filled with a vast array of emotions, not all able to be placed. You could tell he was frustrated, made clear by the deep frown upon his lips and the intense furrow of his eyebrows. But he wasn’t the only one vexed by the situation at hand, and part of you wondered what right he had to be so irritated.

You swallowed the lump in your throat before inhaling, a trembling breath struggling to fill your lungs.

“More than anyone? Are you sure about that?”

You didn’t have to finish your words for Poe to know that there was more you wanted to say. He had to work hard to refrain from rolling his eyes, knowing that it would only make the situation worse.

“The General needs two pilots for this mission, and you’re not going, so Jess is. That’s all. I have no say in what she does—”

“But you have a say in what I do because we’re married, is that right?”

Poe said nothing, his lips taut, a raging fire burning behind his irises. After several seconds that felt more like minutes, he opened his mouth to speak, only to be cut off when another voice sounded from behind him.

“Dameron, we need to get going.”

He didn’t respond, didn’t even turn to look at Jess, but her words alone seemed to pull him away from his anger and propel him into another wave of an unknown emotion. Poe physically bit his tongue and let go of your wrists, letting his head fall forward just a fraction as he took a step back, choosing to stare at your shoes instead of your eyes. His hands fell to his hips, and he nodded his head a few times to let Jess know he would be there in a moment, slowly, like he didn’t want to.

You couldn’t help but clench your jaw and grind your teeth at the sound of the other woman’s voice, thankful that she chose to walk away before you could snap. Your rage was quickly growing, and you could feel an almost alarming amount of hateful words hanging from the tip of your tongue, though you weren’t sure if they were directed at her or Poe. Maybe some of them were even meant for yourself.

But the fire igniting itself within you was suddenly extinguished. Your gaze fluttered back to Poe only to find a shadow of the man who had been standing there just seconds before. His cheeks were flushed, eyes blown in subtle panic, chest heaving as he tried to pull an adequate amount of air into his lungs — just enough to keep himself from growing dizzy. You felt yourself falter.

“I just—” he started, his voice catching in his throat. His own eyes found yours again, and then he was abruptly gripping your arms and frantically looking you up and down, an action that caused you to involuntarily quirk an eyebrow.

Poe took a deep breath, working hard to regain even an ounce of his composure.

“I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”

You stilled as his words settled over you, your heart racing in your chest. He had never been so frazzled before a mission before, and you knew that there had to be more to it than what he was telling you if he was questioning your safety on such a level.

Or maybe, he was secretly questioning his own, using you to cover his true feelings. You decided to test your theory.

“It sounds like you’re worried that _you_ won’t come back.”

He stayed silent, averting his gaze to his brown, worn-out boots, and that was the only answer that you needed.

You gently tugged your arms free of his hold, one hand landing on his chest while the other wove its way into the hair at the base of his neck. His arms immediately, almost instinctively so, moved to encircle your hips, and you watched him swallow hard, his adam’s apple bobbing as he did.

“So let me go with you,” you whispered, allowing your fingers to soothingly rub at his scalp. “We’ll do better together, we always do.”

You were disappointed that your voice hadn’t come out as strong as you had hoped it would.

Poe instantly shook his head, a small, humorless laugh falling from his lips. “I can’t let you.”

“And why not? Give me a real answer, Poe.”

More silence as he considered his words, trying to effectively string his thoughts together before speaking. He cursed under his breath, gently shaking his head from side to side.

“Because I’m scared that you’ll do something reckless to protect me. You don’t take your own life seriously when mine’s on the line, sweetheart.”

“Is that supposed to be a bad thing? Saving you?”

“When it puts your own life is at risk, absolutely. Kriff, babe, you’ve already proved that you’d jump in front of a fucking blaster for me.”

“Don’t try and make me feel guilty for that.”

“But do you have any idea how guilty _I_ feel about it?”

You sighed, your hand on his chest moving upwards to intertwine with your other hand behind his neck. “You shouldn’t feel guilty about it. You’ve done worse.”

“I’ve never gotten myself shot for you.”

“But you would. I know you, Poe Dameron. You would do it without a second thought.”

He couldn’t deny your words, knowing it would be completely useless to even try to. You were right, as you usually were. He would do anything to make sure that you were safe.

“Still, the First Order is all over this planet, and—”

“Poe, this is a suicide mission.”

He didn’t even try to finish his sentence, instead choosing to stare at you with such an intensity, you felt your knees grow weak. His eyes roamed your face, seeming to take in every single scar and imperfection marking your skin, almost as if were trying to commit your features to memory, wanting to burn the image of you into his mind where it would stay for the rest of his life. And then it occurred to you that, maybe, that was exactly what he was doing. Maybe this really was a suicide mission, and maybe he really was preparing himself to not come back from it. Maybe this would be the last time he ever got to see your face. Maybe this would be the last time you ever got to see his.

The gravity of the situation seemed to hit you all at once, and a sudden realization hit you square in the gut, knocking the air from your lungs.

“He’s there, isn’t he? Kylo—”

“Dameron, we really have to go,” Jess called from across the hangar, at the exact same moment you voiced your question.

Her voice was clearly agitated, though you could tell she was still trying to remain somewhat sympathetic. She was scared, too.

Poe seemed to be ripped from his trance at the sound of your voice and his name being called, and his hands were suddenly cupping your cheeks, pulling you towards him in an almost aggressive manner until his lips met yours in a searing kiss.

Your hands tangled themselves further into his hair, pulling, grasping, as if his body and his kiss alone were the only two things keeping you grounded in that moment, and really, they were. One of his hands left your lower back to find its place on your hip, pulling you even closer to him until you practically became one. You couldn’t help the whimper that escaped you, your desperation evident in the minute sound. Although, it wasn’t the type of need one would normally associate with kissing a lover.

No, it was a kind of desperation that stemmed from a need far deeper than that. You needed him. You needed him to come home to you in one piece, unharmed and still breathing. You needed to wake up a week from now to a mess of raven hair and the breathtaking chocolate eyes that never failed to pull you in like the tide. You needed to hear his voice whisper sweet nothings into your ear in the privacy of your darkened quarters, and you needed to hear him tell you that he loved you that day and every day after. You needed him.

Poe unwillingly broke the kiss when Jess called out once more, his forehead coming to rest against your own, his breathing labored and eyes closed. He grabbed your left hand from behind his head, bringing it to his lips and placing a gentle kiss to the ring that sat on your finger — his mother’s ring.

He pulled away after a few long seconds, though made no move to drop your hand until you pulled it from his grasp. You hesitated, and took a deep, calming breath before taking your other hand out of his hair, your fingers shaking as you gently worked the ring from your finger. You ignored Poe’s confusion, and the pain making its way into his eyes, only sliding the small silver band into the palm of his hand.

You knew how much that ring meant to him, and while you knew it meant even more to him now that it was on your finger, you needed him to take it. He had once told you how he often thought that his mother’s ring had been the only thing keeping him safe throughout different points in his life, and in your mind, he needed it more than you did in that moment.

“Bring it back to me,” you whispered, your voice quivering as the dam threatened to break loose. You intertwined your fingers with his, holding the ring between your palm and his as you stared up at him, your eyes pleading with him. “Promise me you’ll do whatever it takes to come home to me.”

Poe hesitated, his eyes focused on the way your fingers fit perfectly between his own. You quickly pulled your hand out of his, placing it on his cheek, causing his gaze to flutter back to you.

“Promise me,” you repeated, more forceful than before.

He nodded solemnly, trying to defuse the tension in the room with one of his signature dazzling, charming smiles.

That. That was another thing you needed to see again.

“I promise, babygirl.”

Even through his smile, you could tell he didn’t fully believe his own promise.

You weren’t sure that you believed it either.


End file.
